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Woop Woop Woop! A Tasty Take on Desecrating the Flag.

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The issue of desecrating the flag is back in the news, but it won’t be resolved any time soon. In fact, it won’t reach the Supreme Court for 977 years, according to Futurama.

On Freedom Day in 3002, Dr. Zoidberg (woop woop woop!) eats1 an American Earthican flag because, you know, freedom. The until-now laissez-faire crowd turns on him immediately. They think this goes a step too far and boos him.2

Dr. Zoidberg, an alien with crab-like claws, stands on stage in front of a podium with Nixon’s head in a jar nearby. He raises a claw triumphantly while declaring, “YES, FELLOW PATRIOTS, I ATE YOUR FLAG! AND I DID IT WITH PRIDE.”

Eating the Flag is Disgusting and Legal

Leela, always the voice of reason, stands up for her incompetent lobster coworker.

Leela, a purple-haired woman in a tank top, gestures passionately toward Nixon’s head-in-a-jar. A crowd stands behind her. The subtitles say, “YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT THAT DR. ZOIDBERG DESECRATED A FLAG.”
Leela continues speaking with Fry and Bender standing behind her in a crowd. The subtitle reads, “YOU MAY EVEN FIND THE IMAGE OF IT FESTERING IN HIS BOWELS SOMEHOW OFFENSIVE.”
Leela gestures passionately toward Nixon’s head-in-a-jar. A crowd stands behind her. The subtitles say, “…BUT THE RIGHT TO FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION IS GUARANTEED BY THE EARTH CONSTITUTION.”

The President Isn’t Having It

President Nixon3 wants to make a Federal Earthican case out of it.

A cartoon depiction of Richard Nixon’s head inside a glass jar labeled “Nixon,” being carried by a man in a suit. Nixon’s face is scowling as the subtitle reads, “[GROWLS]: MAYBE SO…”
Close-up of Nixon’s head-in-a-jar speaking angrily. The subtitle reads, “BUT I KNOW A PLACE WHERE THE CONSTITUTION DOESN’T MEAN SQUAT.”

Smash cut to …

The seal of the Supreme Court, showing an eagle clutching arrows and an olive branch, surrounded by stars, with the words “THE SUPREME COURT” above it.

A Brutal Loss for Zoidberg

The judgment is 6–3 Zoidberg, which is catastrophic (but does beat the spread).

A cartoon Supreme Court justice with tied-back brown hair announces a verdict, raising one hand with an extended finger. The subtitle reads, “BY A VOTE OF SIX TO THREE, WE FIND THAT…”
The same justice continues, pointing upward. The subtitle states, “…FLAG-EATING IS NOT PROTECTED BY THE CONSTITUTION!”
The justice speaks with a stern expression. The subtitle says, “YOU ARE HEREBY SENTENCED TO DEATH.”

But, Wait, Can the Supreme Court Do This?

The judges aren’t done.

The justice adds: “ALSO, IN A RARE DOUBLE-WHAMMY DECISION …”
The same justice raises a gavel while delivering the verdict. The subtitle says, “… THE COURT FINDS POLYGAMY CONSTITUTIONAL.”

Zoidberg Saves the Day

The Supreme Court’s decision paves the way for Zoidberg’s people to invade Earth. To repel them, Zoidberg needs to desecrate another flag—this time by burning it.

He’s hailed as a hero … but adulation only goes so far.

Zoidberg stands proudly, splattered with mud, while Fry, Leela, Bender, and a cheering crowd pump their fists. Leela shouts, “ZOIDBERG, YOU SET US FREE!”
A muddy Leela smiles and opens her arms as the crowd beams behind her. Subtitle: “I FEEL LIKE I COULD STAND TO HUG YOU.”
Leela, still muddy, speaks earnestly amid the crowd. Subtitle: “I CAN’T, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY.”

The Biter (not Bitter) End

With the invaders repelled, the people of Earth let Zoidberg celebrate victory with—and here’s the name of the episode—”A Taste of Freedom.”

A reporter in a hat and bow tie holds up a pen, addressing Zoidberg in front of other reporters. Subtitle: “DR. ZOIDBERG, HOW’S ABOUT YOU TAKE A BITE OF THE FLAG FOR TOMORROW’S PAPERS?”
Zoidberg, in front of Nixon’s head-in-a-jar, demurs while clutching the Earth flag. Subtitle: “OH, I COULDN’T.”
Nixon’s head-in-a-jar speaks as Zoidberg listens. Subtitle: “NO, NO, GO AHEAD. YOU’VE EARNED IT.”
Zoidberg eyes the Earth flag hungrily, lifting a corner with one claw. Subtitle: “WELL, MAYBE JUST A TASTE.”
Zoidberg holds the Earth flag wide while Nixon’s head watches from behind. Subtitle: “MMM … NOW, THAT’S A GRAND OLD FLAG!”

From Our “Credit Where Credit’s Due” Department

  • The Futurama screen captures come from Morbotron.
  • I used AI to generate the alt text for the images.

Space Footnotes

  1. Well, now we’ve entered a weird grammatical area, because I should be using the simple future tense here: will eat. For the sake of simplicity, I’m gonna use the past tense, as I’m describing an episode that aired in the past. If we were using Spanish, I would have to use the future subjunctive mood, which is confusing as hell, so I’m glad I don’t have to touch it. ↩︎
  2. Or are they shouting “boo-urns“? ↩︎
  3. I should say the head of President Nixon, which is preserved in a jar and carried around by a headless Spiro Agnew. ↩︎