The secret to living a meaningful, compassionate, and honorable life can be found in the Grand Ole Opry gift store. It’s only four words long and printed on a coffee mug that costs $20.
It’s this: “What would Dolly do?”
Dolly, of course, is Dolly Parton, who turns 79 today. The Grand Ole Opry celebrated her birthday with a special concert last night. While Dolly didn’t appear, the Complimentary Spouse and I were there.
The musicians did more than cover Dolly’s best-known songs. They told stories of what Dolly had done for them and how she had influenced their lives and music.
Some examples:
Madeline Edwards put Dolly in the middle of an ersatz holy trinity.
Bill Anderson sent Dolly an early version of a song a few years ago, thinking she might want to sing on it. She responded by sending back her part, fully recorded and ready to use. The song was nominated for a Grammy.
Rhonda Vincent reached out through the usual network of agents and studio executives for permission to record a bluegrass version of one of Dolly’s songs. Dolly called Rhonda directly and offered up a different song that was just dying for a fiddle-and-banjo makeover.
Vincent took Dolly’s challenge, poured herself a cup of ambition, and made this:
Welcome to Dolly Would
Smarter people than I have written about Dolly’s legacy and achievements, so there’s little need for me to weigh in.
Yeah, like that has ever stopped me.
“What would Dolly do?”1 works because it’s a framework for thinking about how to act with purpose and meaning. It’s not abstract like philosophy or prescriptive like religion. It doesn’t promise any rewards for doing what Dolly would do, nor does it threaten to punish you for doing something different.
“What would Dolly do?” doesn’t take away our power, agency, or accountability. And who would want to give up those things?
Remember, it’s better to forge your own path imperfectly than follow someone else’s perfectly.2
Why Dolly?
Dolly has created a persona that most people can admire — she greets everyone with open arms, listens sympathetically, comforts us when we’re sad, and always steers us back to a place of joy. Her philanthropic efforts are legendary. She’s rich, famous, and successful, but those are not the things that win us over.
When we look at Dolly, we can envision the best version of ourselves. She’s someone we like. And someone we hope likes us back.
That’s why there’s no “What would Elton John do?” mug. He’s an iconic diva, but certainly not someone we’d turn to for help with decisions small and large. Also …
- Barbra: I already have a Jewish mother.
- Cher: She seems erratic. Have you seen her tweets?
- Bono: Actually, he’d have great ideas, but not ones the ordinary person could use. I, for one, do not have the secretary-general of the United Nations on speed dial.
- Judy: She’d provide terrible advice. Also, she’s dead.3
Dolly For All
Here’s where it gets interesting: Dolly’s persona is about as unobjectionable as vanilla pudding. The bowl might be covered in rhinestones, but what’s inside is quite bland. Let’s face it: a general message of love and respect isn’t controversial. At least it isn’t today. Things might be very different in 24 hours.
It’s easy to fault Dolly for eluding politics and other dicey issues with folksy humor and humility. Not all of us have the luxury of tap dancing around controversy. But we should also praise Dolly for projecting a persona with enough blank spots that we can color in what we want.
How many other gay icons are also beloved by fundamentalist Christians?4 Zero. We turn to Dolly for inspiration, not hot takes on sensitive issues. Our enemies do the same. And just knowing that two diametrically opposed groups are seeking silence, wisdom, or joy from the same individual means we have at least one point of familiarity when it’s time to talk.
What Would Dave Do … to Wrap Up This Post
Asking ourselves, “What would Dolly do?” probably won’t change the world — at least not in the short term. But it can impact our lives and the lives of those around us because it makes empathy and optimism our default settings for decision-making and action.
As Dolly said, “We cannot adjust the wind, but we can set the sails.”
Wallowing in pity? Dolly says to go to that party two doors down.
Need to tell someone it’s over? Dolly says to tell them you will always love them.
Feeling unmotivated? Dolly says to stumble to the kitchen and pour yourself a cup of ambition.
Despairing because, you know, tomorrow is Monday, Jan. 20, 2025? Dolly says we’ll eventually see the light of a clear blue morning.
It’s been a long dark night
And I’ve been a waitin’ for the morning
It’s been a long hard fight
But I see a brand new day a dawning
I’ve been looking for the sunshine
You know I ain’t seen it in so long
But everything’s gonna work out just fine
And everything’s gonna be all right
That’s been all wrong
W.F.W.D.W.? (What Footnotes Would Dolly Write?)
- Yes, I know this is a riff on “What Would Jesus Do?” No, I’m not going to segue into a religious discussion. No, I’m not going to suggest, even in a roundabout way, that W.W.J.D. was created by the powerful and shadowy rubber bracelet industry in response to the sudden drop in demand for Livestrong bracelets after the Lance Armstrong doping scandal. Not only would that be stupid and borderline heretical, but it would force people to read an inane and overly long footnote. ↩︎
- This comes from the Bhagavad Gita, an ancient Hindu scripture that, to my knowledge, has never been nominated for a Country Music Association award. ↩︎
- That’s not to minimize the role Judy’s persona plays in gay culture, which I’ve written about here. And, unlike Judy, Dolly has never been linked to a suspected attempt to infiltrate the military. ↩︎
- Dolly has an affinity with drag queens: “If I hadn’t been a woman, I’d be a drag queen for sure. I like all that flair and I’d be dressing up in them high heels and putting on the big hair. I’d be like RuPaul.” ↩︎