Today’s the ninth anniversary of Obergefell vs. Hodges, the Supreme Court decision that solidified marriage equality in the United States.1
Last year, I wrote that the thing that I was most grateful for is that Obergefell made life much more boring for the Complimentary Spouse and me.
That sounds terrible, but it’s anything but.2
Before Obergefell, Britt and I were treated differently than other married couples. We could never take it for granted we’d be shown the same dignity and afforded the same rights as opposite-sex spouses. It depended on where we were, what we wanted to do, whom we were talking to, how much money we were spending, and whether Mercury was retrograde.3
It’s emotionally draining. And financially draining, too, when health care and other employer benefits are involved. One of the worst parts was not knowing if we’d be considered spouses or strangers if one of us was taken to the hospital. No one should ever have to live with that fear in the back of their head.
All of those injustices, big and small, made our lives unpredictable. That ended with Obergefell.
The Impact
I can’t begin to describe how groundbreaking and validating the Obergefell decision was. To quote a wise and eloquent man:
No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.
Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy
At the same time, it’s important to recognize all of the small, unremarkable, mundane ways in which the ruling changed the lives of same-sex married couples. To quote an equally wise and eloquent man:4
We feel the impact of Obergefell when we file taxes, sign paperwork, and apply for loans. We feel it when we go through customs and immigration at the airport and present our passports together, like any other married couple. We feel it when we’re shopping for auto insurance.
Me
Married life is still exciting and unpredictable.5 It has always been that way for Britt and me. But before Obergefell, we faced many shocks, setbacks, and surprises trying to deal with things that should have been mundane. They were constant reminders that our marriage was unequal and undervalued.
Now, those mundane things are just … well … mundane. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Of Course, There Are Footnotes
- It is also the ninth anniversary of me learning to spell Obergefell correctly. ↩︎
- I’m editing this post now and have just realized I have written essentially the same thing I did a year ago. I’m still going to publish this new one. Hollywood keeps rehashing the same stories, so why can’t I? ↩︎
- I wouldn’t be surprised, given all the other random variables we had to deal with. ↩︎
- His wisdom and eloquence are matched only by his modesty. ↩︎
- Except the times when we can’t agree on a restaurant. It’s not exciting and we end up, predictably, at the same place. ↩︎