A friend of a friend recently said Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” was “the unambiguously gay anthem that changed the world.”

I challenged that, contrasting the Wham song with Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Relax.” I offered context, evidence, and my perspective as a gay man.¹

He insisted he was right.

Welcome to the world of straightsplaining, a miasma of condescension, arrogance, and ignorance that belittles LGBTQ people and dismisses their lived experiences.

I’ve Got Some ’Splainin’ to Do

Straightsplaining happens whenever a cis straight person does the following:

• Explains an LGBTQ issue to an LGBTQ person and assumes they know more about it than the LGBTQ person does.
• Tells an LGBTQ person how they should feel about an LGBTQ issue.

The first type of straightsplaining is what happened with the “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” idiocy I described above.

Another example: Someone recently insisted that an AI-generated image showing Trump as a muscular athlete surrounded by shirtless male cheerleaders was not homoerotic.

I explained that the image was indeed homoerotic. If you put the AI slop and hagiography aside, you’re looking at the types of idealized, realistic, masculine figures in classical poses that have been associated with homoeroticism throughout history (cf. Michelangelo, Leyendecker, Mizer, Finland, Ritts).

What’s more, homoerotic art is, by definition, art that invites the viewer to admire and desire someone of the same sex. If you’re straight, you probably shouldn’t be telling gay people what turns them on.²

That last point is a good segue into the second type of straightsplaining: telling LGBTQ people how they should feel about issues that affect their lives.

The Complimentary Spouse experienced this a few days ago. He was told not to be concerned about the Florida legislature’s ongoing crusade against LGBTQ people because the governor is trying to lower property taxes.

Imagine being told that money is more important than your rights and dignity—by someone whose rights and dignity aren’t in jeopardy.

Don’t ’Splain on Our Parade

This post isn’t meant to dismiss the concept of, and need for, explaining things. After all, I’ve spent about 300 words so far explaining something. What kind of hypocrite would that make me?

Instead, I’m decrying explanations offered by people who assume they know more than the person they’re talking to—not because they have any specialized knowledge or experience, but because of their gender, sexual orientation, or gender identity.

Like its namesake, mansplaining, straightsplaining is insufferable and pervasive. When you hear it, it annoys the hell out of you, and you can’t get it out of your head.

Just like “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” which is decidedly not an unambiguously gay anthem that changed the world, as some straightsplainers would have you believe.

Footnotesplaining

1. Here’s why “Relax” is an important and consequential milestone in gay music: “Relax” Came at the Right Time. ↩︎
2. I must point out that this particular image is homoerotic in an aesthetic sense only. The central figure and intended message do not invite the viewer to admire and desire someone of the same sex. They invite the viewer to pour bleach in their eyes. ↩︎