You may have noticed me using queer more frequently than before. Guess what—I’ve just noticed it myself. And I’m a bit surprised. I’ve used it in the past, although not often. It was like the sumac in my spice drawer: unique but hidden in the back because I rarely needed it.1
Queer is still a complicated word, but I’ve found it feels right a lot these days. That’s not just because it’s easier to say. It’s also because it’s an organic word that doesn’t divide its members into discrete groups, unlike the acronym LGBTQ.
In my recent post about Target’s abomination of a Pride collection, I use queer nine times and LGBTQ only three. I don’t think that would have been the case a few years ago.
Using Queer
Admittedly, queer carries emotional, political, and societal baggage that other LGBTQ words and terms don’t. It’s hard to rehabilitate a word fully; the pejorative definition never fully washes out, like the tomato sauce on your plastic containers.
I use queer most often when I’m talking about LGBTQ people or experiences collectively, but not individuals. For example, I describe myself as a gay man, not a queer one. But, these days, I’ll occasionally hear queer pop out of my mouth. It’s not deliberate. Nor is it unwelcome.
My advice: Don’t call someone queer unless they use their term themself, or you get their permission. Not everyone is comfortable with it.2 Here’s how GLAAD puts it:
Once considered a pejorative term, queer has been reclaimed by some LGBTQ people to describe themselves. However, it is not a universally accepted term even within the LGBTQ community, so use caution when using it outside of describing the way someone self-identifies or in a direct quote.
From the GLAAD Media Reference Guide
And Now, Here’s Some Queer Garbage
I have no idea how Garbage’s “Queer” relates to queerness—I don’t think anyone in the band does either—but it’s stuck in my head now, so let’s all have a listen!
Queer Footnotes
- Actually, I never need it. The Complimentary Spouse does all the cooking. Save for the salt, pepper, garlic, and oregano, I have no idea what any of those little bottles and boxes contain. ↩︎
- I’d be a little taken aback if someone called me queer out of the blue, but not insulted. Wait. I take that back. I wouldn’t be insulted if someone called me queer in a benign or complimentary way. But, if it’s used as a slur, watch out. I’m not one to hold my tongue. ↩︎