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Current Events LGBTQ

“Do You Have a Problem With Gay People?” No, I Have a Problem With This Person.

Behind the scenes, I’m very opinionated and work hard to advance civil rights. In public, though, I’m a bit more guarded with my comments. I’ve been this way since my reporter days — I didn’t want anyone ever to doubt that I could be objective and fair, even though I didn’t side with many of the people and causes I was covering. Today, I’m much more vocal but still strive to appear impartial.

Right now, though, I’m not going to hold my tongue. Something happened in the Tampa City Council race on Monday that made me see red. 

What’s the Background?

If you’re not a Tampeño, these bullet points will quickly get you up to speed.

  • In the District 3 race, incumbent Lynn Hurtak is being challenged by former state senator Janet Cruz.
  • Hurtak is an uncompromising progressive, which often puts her at odds with mayor Jane Castor.
  • Cruz is virtually the mayor’s mother-in-law. I say virtually because she’s the mother of Ana Cruz, who is our mayor’s partner. They’re not married.

Got it? Good. 

What Happened?

On Monday night, both Hurtak and Cruz spoke at a Hillsborough County NAACP candidate forum. Hurtak, not surprisingly, spoke against some of the mayor’s policies and priorities, such as the proposal to convert wastewater into drinking water. Cruz lashed back by accusing Hurtak of being homophobic.

Let’s go to the tape. Go to the 38:20 timestamp:

First, Cruz says, “I don’t know what Hurtak’s problem is with my daughter and the mayor.” At this point, the booing starts. She then turns to Hurtak and says, “Do you have a problem with gay people?”

What. The. Fuck?

My jaw dropped when I saw this. I had to go back and watch again to make sure I didn’t mishear. I didn’t.

The incident was covered in Creative Loafing and the Tampa Bay Times.

Why Are You So Pissed, Dave?

You can now forget about all the political stuff I mentioned above. That’s just background information so you can put things in context. If this were about something Hurtak said to Cruz, I’d be just as mad.

Let me explain why this is a massive slap in the face for all LGBTQ Tampeños and their allies.

There are very real homophobic monsters in Florida politics that are actively destroying the rights, liberties, and dignity of LGBTQ people. Just look at what’s happening in Tallahassee. Trans kids are being denied healthcare that’s not just affirming but also life-saving. Age-appropriate LGBTQ books are being stripped from school libraries. And hate speech skyrocketed after the passage of the draconian “Don’t Say Gay” law.

In an environment like this, accusing someone of homophobia just because they’re your political opponent isn’t just careless. It’s dangerous. It dismisses the danger of homophobia — it’s no longer a grave threat, just an idle insult. 

Where’s the outrage?

What if Cruz had called Hurtak a child molester? Compared her to Hitler? Said she hated Blacks? Everyone would be up in arms, saying Cruz had crossed a line.

But lumping Hurtak in with Fred Phelps, Omar Mateen, Rick Santorum, Timothy Dolan — and a growing list of grotesque bigots in Tallahassee and Washington — somehow gets a pass? 

But, Dave, What If …

Let me cut you off right there. You’re wondering if Hurtak deserved the comment because she is actually homophobic.

Not only is that not the case, but everyone knows it’s not. Hurtak is one of Tampa’s top advocates for LGBTQ equality. The first time I met her, she told me how she and her husband flew to New York to get married because they didn’t want to get married in a state where LGBTQ people couldn’t. I, of course, shared the story of how the Complimentary Spouse and I had to fly to California to get married. Lynn was endorsed by the LGBTQ+ Democratic Caucus at both the state and local levels.

It’s bad enough to dismiss someone as a homophobe because you can’t defend your political position. But dismissing an ally as good at Hurtak makes it even worse. Hurtak has a problem with nepotism, not lesbianism.

FFS! Why Are You Making Such a Big Deal About This, Dave?

Someone has to make a big deal about this! Language has been used to attack and suppress LGBTQ people for too long, which only changes when we fight. If you say, “that’s so gay,” about something lame, I’ll push back. Gay is not a negative descriptor.

If you say “sexual preference” instead of “sexual orientation,” I’ll push back. Sexuality is not a preference.

If you say “gay lifestyle,” “special rights,” or “gay agenda,” — well, you’ve got the idea.

There are two other reasons why I make a big deal out of these things: because I can and because it makes a difference.

Whenever I think it’s time to shut up about LGBTQ issues, I come back to these two quotes:

The world changes in direct proportion to the number of people willing to be honest about their lives.

Armistead Maupin

There will always be LGBTQ people who can’t march, who can’t protest, who don’t live in places where they are safe enough to speak out. We need to speak for them.

Richie Jackson, “Gay Like Me”

Any Final Thoughts?

Don’t @ me to defend Cruz or disparage Hurtak. As I said above, the political shadiness isn’t what makes me mad, and I’d be just as upset if the candidates’ roles were reversed. What would a political campaign be without some drama, after all?

What still pisses me off, two days later, is the cavalier way one candidate casually — and wrongly — accused another of homophobia to score some political points. In 2023, this isn’t acceptable political rhetoric. It can cause real harm. It minimizes what’s really happening to LGBTQ people.

I don’t want anyone who doesn’t understand this on the City Council. Period.

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LGBTQ

We’re Not Here: LGBTQ Representation in My Childhood

Yesterday, in my blog post about the Bruce Springsteen concert, I wrote a lengthy footnote about how I no longer enjoyed the song “Glory Days.” I wrote that, as a gay man:

… it’s unsettling to look back at the cultural touchstones of my youth and discover I was invisible in them.

The Daily Dave

Today, I want to double-click on this idea, because invisibility is just one part of the story.

In the Beginning, There Was Nothing

When I think back on the TV shows, movies, and music I experienced as a very young kid, LGBTQ people were:

  1. Invisible

That’s it. End of list. There was no LGBTQ representation whatsoever in entertainment created for people my age.1

Then There Was Mockery

As I got a little older, the list grew a little longer. LGBTQ people were either:

  1. Invisible
  2. There to be laughed at

I really can’t recall the first time I saw an LGBTQ person or character on TV or in the movies, but I know it wasn’t a fair representation. They were mincing, effeminite, lisping men. This made a strong yet subconscious impact on me: For many years, that’s what I thought gay men were and how they should behave.

Some might say these people were in on the joke. But they were still the butt of the joke.

I shouldn’t even call these characters LGBTQ people. They’re queer-coded — they’re clearly lesbian, gay, bi, trans, or queer, but it’s not stated explicitly.2

It Gets Worse

Oh, the list gets longer. In my teens, there were three types of LGBTQ people:

  1. Invisible
  2. There to be laughed out
  3. Evil

Two examples of No. 2 and No. 3 immediately spring to mind. The first is Sean Young’s character in “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” She’s trans, she’s the villain, and she’s there for us to ridicule. When other characters discover she is trans, they are disgusted.

”The second is ToneLōc’s “Funky Cold Medina,” which was a massive hit. From the lyrics:

So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned

But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man

So I threw him out, I don’t mess around with no Oscar Meyer wiener

You must be sure that your girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

“Funky Cold Medina”

The message: Sheena is disgusting, deceptive, and despicable.

And Even More Worse

As I grew up, the list grew longer. LGBTQ people were:

  1. Invisible
  2. There to be laughed at
  3. Evil
  4. Dying or dead

I’ve written at length about the Bury Your Gay and Dead Lesbian Syndrome tropes. LGBTQ people were wicked and always got their comeuppance. The AIDS crisis played out during my teenage years, and the message, in many cases, was that they were getting what they deserved. When people living with AIDS were treated with sympathy, they still died.

As I wrote in the aforementioned blog post:

Bury Your Gays and Dead Lesbian Syndrome are destructive in a way straight people might not realize. What would it do to your self-worth if the only images you saw of people like yourself on TV and in movies involved death and misery?

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We’re Making Progress, but I’m Still Worried

It makes me happy that things are getting better. You’ll find accurate, fair, and affirming representations of LGBTQ people in children’s programming, especially animated shows.

I’m worried that things will go backward quickly, thanks to an increasingly hostile political climate. But we’ve come too far to only come this far. While I didn’t grow up seeing myself in popular culture, I’ll do everything I can to ensure today’s kids do.

_____
1 You might point to characters like Bugs Bunny, who would kiss men and dress in drag — but that was done to benefit straight audiences. Bugs didn’t kiss Elmer because he was attracted to the bumbling hunter; he did it because it was outré and, therefore, funny.3

2 Queer coding happens a lot. Ursula from “The Little Mermaid” is a Divine-like drag queen. Scar from “The Lion King” is campy. I’m hardly the first person to note that nearly every classic Disney villain is queer coded.

Beyond Disney, you’ll find quite a few queer-coded villains in old Bond films. Just look at butch lesbian Rosa Klebb from “From Russia With Love,” and femme lesbian Pussy Galore from “Goldfinger.” Pussy Galore is especially problematic because she switches from a villain to a hero when Bond sleeps with her. The not-too-subtle message: lesbians bad, heterosexuals good.

3 On the other hand, perhaps I shouldn’t dismiss Bugs Bunny so quickly. Here’s what the Supermodel of the World has to say about the wascally wabbit. Shantay, Bugs, you stay!

Categories
LGBTQ

🏳️‍🌈 Gayskool: God Save the Queens

Hello from the UK, one of the world’s leading countries for LGBTQ rights and equality. Here in London, there’s a rainbow flag around every corner and a feeling of inclusion everywhere you go.

The UK decriminalized sexual activity between men in 1967. Many protections for LGBTQ Britons date back to the 1990s. The Equality Act of 2010 is one of the strongest pieces of anti-discrimination legislation you’ll find anywhere on the globe: It protects people from discrimination or harassment in pretty much all aspects of public life based on age, disability, gender reassignment, marriage (and civil partnership), pregnancy and maternity, race, religion or belief, sex, and sexual orientation.

In comparison, the national anti-discrimination law in the US is limited to employment and only considers race, color, religion, sex, and national origin.

My fellow Americans, we have a long way to go.

One of the happiest moments in my life was in 2015, when I took the Complimentary Spouse to my old school in England and we discovered signs like this in the halls:

Today, in central London, even the crosswalk signals are LGBTQ friendly. Check out these two photos from the area around Trafalgar Square:

Feeling left out, straight people? Don’t worry, there are crosswalk signals for you too. We just didn’t feel inclined to take any photos of them.

Let’s hear from some British LGBTQ people and allies:

“My LGBT hero is anyone that is brave enough to be who they are, and embrace it, and be proud of it — because it’s people like that that are able to encourage other people to do the same.”

Tom Daley, well known knitter who also likes to swim from time to time

“I’ve never met a gay person who regrets coming out. You’re more at ease with your loved ones, your family and extended family, and your friends, and your employers, your employees. Everybody’s happy, because they know where they are. It’s out in the open — and honesty’s the best policy.”

Sir Ian McKellen, noted Balrog survivor

“I would say to any young person … who’s being bullied for their sexuality: Don’t put up with it — speak to a trusted adult, a friend, a teacher, Childline, Diana Award or some other service and get the help you need. You should be proud of the person you are and you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Prince William, do you seriously not know this person is?

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LGBTQ

🏳️‍🌈 Gayskool: Pulse

Six years ago today, a terrorist entered the Pulse nightclub in Orlando and opened fire, murdering 49 people and wounding 53 more. It was the deadliest terrorist attack in the United States since 9/11.

The Pulse building is still there at 1912 S. Orange Ave. It has turned into a makeshift shrine. There are plans to build a permanent memorial.

I wish I could think of something poignant or uplifting to write, but I can’t. Pulse reminds us that hate against LGBTQ people is real and visceral, and that we’re never really safe — even in the spaces we create for ourselves.

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LGBTQ

🏳️‍🌈 Gayskool: Just Desserts

What’s big and gay and fun to lick? Get your mind out of the gutter! It’s Big Gay Ice Cream, the only place I know of that has frozen treats named after Golden Girls characters. (The Dorothy is vanilla soft serve topped with crushed Nilla wafers.)

Big Gay Ice Cream started in a food truck in New York City. It became so popular that founders Douglas Quint and Bryan Petroff opened a store in the West Village. You can now find several locations in New York and Philadelphia. You’ll also find BGIC on teevee (it has been featured on quite a few programs) and in bookstores (the cookbook is subtitled “Saucy Stories & Frozen Treats: Going All the Way with Ice Cream: A Cookbook, and, of course, the Complimentary Spouse and I have a copy.)

While the Dorothy is good, my fave is the Rocky Roadhouse: vanilla soft serve smothered with chocolate, almonds, and marshmallows. That’s what the handsome chubby guy in the top photo is eating. Britt likes the Monday Sundae because it contains both Nutella and dulce de leche.

That looks delicious! And the ice cream looks good too.
Categories
LGBTQ

🏳️‍🌈 Gayskool: Tampeño Pride

Believe it or not, Tampa Bay is gayer than New York! According to recent research by the Williams Institute at UCLA, LGBTQ people make up 4.8% of the population of the Tampa-St. Petersburg-Clearwater metro area. In comparison, it’s 4.5% for the New York-Newark-Jersey City metro area. 

The gayest place in the United States is — shocker — the San Francisco-Oakland-Berkeley metro area (6.7%). And the gayest place in Florida is the Orlando-Kissimmee-Sanford metro area (5%). 

Hey, just for fun, let’s look at some Prideful photos of the Complimentary Spouse and me in all of these places!

Tampa: Taking a stand at the “Say Gay” rally in Curtis Hixon Park
New York: Sashaying around Central Park
San Francisco: Snapping a sassy selfie somewhere near Union Square
Orlando: Spreading some pixie dust at Gay Day in the Magic Kingdom
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LGBTQ

🏳️‍🌈 Gayskool: Naval Gazing

Hey, did you know that Judy Garland was indirectly responsible for a multi-year taxpayer-funded anti-gay witch-hunt? Not only is this story true — it’s also hilarious!

Back when it was dangerous to come out of the closet, introducing yourself as a “friend of Dorothy” was a surreptitious way of letting other people you know you were gay.

Dorothy, of course, was a reference to Dorothy Gale, the character Judy Garland played in the Wizard of Oz.

Other LGBTQ people knew exactly what the reference meant; straight people had no idea.

In the late 1970s and early 1980s, the Naval Investigative Service connected some of the dots — that “friends of Dorothy” were gay men — but not all the dots. They were clueless about the Wizard of Oz connection. They believed there was a real woman named Dorothy running a cabal of gay military personnel.

Needless to say, the investigation went nowhere and was eventually called off. The whole thing got swept under the rug till Randy Shilts wrote about it in “Conduct Unbecoming: Gays and Lesbians in the U.S. Military.”

Dorothy is presumably still at large, and the cabal was able to complete its secret mission: weaponizing brunch.

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LGBTQ

🏳️‍🌈 Gayskool: A Gay Ol’ Times

You can expect fair and balanced coverage of LGBTQ issues in The New York Times today, but that wasn’t always the case. The paper wouldn’t even print the the word “gay” till 1987 — its style was to use “homosexual,” and you all know how I feel about that.

The prohibition against the word “gay” ended when Executive Editor Abe Rosenthal resigned. He was a homophobe who stifled LGBTQ people in the newsroom and LGBTQ coverage in the paper.

Two excerpts from “Abe Rosenthal’s Reign of Homophobia at The New York Times,” an essay by Larry Gross for Truthdig:

Abe Rosenthal’s homophobia was felt at the Times in two ways: It ensured that lesbian and gay reporters stayed firmly in the closet, and that the word “gay” was not used in the paper to describe gay people.

Larry Gross

As the AIDS epidemic began to emerge, the silence of the media in general, and of The New York Times in particular, contributed to the magnitude of the unfolding tragedy. Although the death toll mounted in the early 1980s, the Times maintained a disdainful distance. As gay journalist Michelangelo Signorile put it, “Rosenthal, who attacks anti-Semitism in the media, never realized that the way he was treating the AIDS epidemic wasn’t much different from the way that news organizations treated the Holocaust early on.”

Larry Gross

Today, the Times doesn’t shy away from using the word “gay” — or from covering LGBTQ issues.

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LGBTQ

🏳️‍🌈 Gayskool: Born This They

The singular they — that is, using the pronoun “they” as a non-gendered alternative for “he” or “she” — isn’t a new invention. In fact, it first emerged in English in the Fourteenth Century, according to the Oxford English Dictionary.

Next time you hear someone raising a fuss about the singular they — “it sounds weird” is the complaint I hear frequently — point out that the usage predates the printing press, the newspaper, and even Shakespeare.

Bonus fact: “You” used to be a plural pronoun. The singular pronoun was “thee” or “thou,” words that disappeared ages ago from English. Just more proof that language is a living thing that grows and adapts just as society does.

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LGBTQ

🏳️‍🌈 Gayskool: Transformational Technology

If it weren’t for Lynn Conway, the Daily Dave wouldn’t be online. It would be handwritten. Or mimeographed. Or carved on a stone tablet.

Conway, a trans woman, changed the way computers ran programs, and later revolutionized the way we create and produce microchips. It’s not hyperbole to say that without Conway, the most technologically advanced thing in your house would be a three-way light bulb.

IBM fired Conway in 1968 when she announced her plans to transition. She didn’t disclose her trans status till 1999.

“From the 1970s to 1999 I was recognized as breaking the gender barrier in the computer science field as a woman, but in 2000 it became the transgender barrier I was breaking,” she told Forbes. She’s now as well known for her trans activism as she is for her contributions to the field of technology.

IBM has been touting itself as an LGBTQ-friendly company for many years — it added sexual orientation to its non-discrimination policy in 1984 — but only apologized to Conway in 2020.