The Daily Dave

Live, laugh, logorrhea

Dave in race bib 9901 labeled David jogging alongside other runners with a Publix sign in the background.

Arrrrr You Ready to Run?

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Other road races may have more prestige and participants than the Gasparilla Distance Classic, but they have more of what really counts—pirates?

Nay!

The Gasparilla Distance Classic is just one part of the annual pirate-themed Gasparilla festivities here in Tampa.1, 2 As such, there ain’t no road race like a Gasparilla road race because a Gasparilla road race has:

  • Runners and volunteers decked out in their best Jack Sparrow drag.3
  • Jolly Rogers (the flags, not the candy) flying all over the place.
  • “A Pirate’s Life for Me” blasting over the PA.
  • Pirate-themed pathetic puns everywhere, like the lazy one I used as the title for this blog post.

The Gasparilla 5K has special meaning for me. I’ve run it every year since 2019, with two exceptions—once because of Covid, the other because I was out of town on business. Also, it’s on Bayshore Boulevard, which is practically in my backyard.

Here’s my account from this year’s race.4

Talking Shit Ship About New York

Dave smiling in a selfie in front of the Jose Gasparilla tall ship decorated with colorful flags at the waterfront.
There’s a pirate ship docked near the starting line because, you know, Tampa.

I sent a version of this photo to my cousins who live in New York and wrote:

Number of working pirate ships in New York City: zero
Number of working pirate ships in Tampa: one
Tampa > New York. Case closed.

The immediate reponse:

New York > Florida. That’s the proper mathematical equation. Although we are expected to get 13 to 18 inches of snow starting tomorrow night.

I’m enjoying a sunny morning on the waterfront in February. I can’t picture what’s involved in shoveling a foot’s worth of snow from my yard. I’m pretty sure my mathetmatical statement is the correct one.

On Your Marks … Get Set … Go!

Dave takes a selfie amid a densely packed crowd of runners in the race starting corral.
Just me and a few thousand of my mateys waiting to get started.
A spectator holds a handmade sign reading Last One to Ybor Buys Shots among race participants.
Fortunately, I was not last.

Halfway There

Dave poses with a Rough Riders costumed man holding a tray of donuts beside the Rough Riders truck.
Somewhere around the turnaround point, a very nice man dressed like he’s on his way to the battle of San Juan Hill will offer you a Krispy Kreme donut. Two important things about this: First, this is most likely a member of the Tampa Rough Riders, a local civic organization, and not a 150-year-old veteran of the Spanish-American War. Second, refuse the donut. Your stomach will thank you.
Dave smiles for a selfie in front of the Zephyrhills Half Way There inflatable arch marker.
I’m at the halfway mark which, incidentally, is virtually the same distance to my house as it is to the finish line.5
Dave poses with two spectators holding humorous running-themed signs on the race course.
I do enjoy bottomless mimosas at brunch. And I do not enjoy bottomless depths of idiocy in government.

The Finish Line

Dave runs under the Publix Gasparilla Distance Classic finish line banner surrounded by other race participants.
I came in first in my age group! And you can too! Just say you’re 102 years old on your entry form.
Dave takes a post-race selfie with a blue Gasparilla 5K finisher towel draped over his head.
A wet towel to cool down this cool guy.
Dave wearing race bib 9901 poses with three women dressed in red and black pirate costumes.
I’m second from right. In case you couldn’t tell.
Dave pretends to bite his Gasparilla finisher medal with the Tampa waterfront in the background.
Alas, it’s real metal, and not foil-wrapped chocolate. Oh well. I’ll keep it anyway.

By the Numbers

Dark-mode map of the Gasparilla 5K route tracing a yellow path along Bayshore Boulevard near Tampa Convention Center.Satellite aerial map of the Gasparilla 5K route showing a yellow path tracing Bayshore Boulevard in Tampa.
  • Distance: 3.2 statute miles (2.8 nautical miles, or 0.9 nautical leagues)
  • Temperature: 71° F (22° C)
  • Donuts eaten: 0

Thar Be Footnotes

  1. Gasparilla is when we celebrate José Gaspar, the legendary pirate who ruled these waters and was most definitely a real person and not a real person and certainly not a concoction of pirate tropes cooked up by civic leaders in 1904 who were jealous of the bacchanalia and tourist dollars that Mardi Gras brought to Orleans. ↩︎
  2. There’s a 5K, 8K, 15K, and half marathon. Sadly, no full marathon, but you can do all four races if you want to rack up 30.5 miles and get a slightly different T-shirt and medal than everyone else. ↩︎
  3. Tens, tens, tens across the plank! ↩︎
  4. Which was held Saturday, Feb. 21—a fact I’m hiding down here in the footnotes because I’m kind of embarrassed that I’ve postponed writing this post for nearly two months. ↩︎
  5. As the crow flies. For those of us without wings, it takes a bit longer to get to my house. ↩︎