What is Dave wearing today? Dave was wearing a really cool Lightning zip-up but, as he is a schlemiel, he spilled iced tea on himself and had to change into an old T-shirt and shorts. At least it wasn’t hot tea, right?
What is making Dave happy today? Dave is done with work for the next four days.
What is Dave’s inspirational thought for the day? Dave says to find yourself a man who knows how to make stuffing from scratch.
What did Dave’s fortune say at lunch today? If Chinese desserts are to be believed, Dave should expect a good 2022.
Here are a few thoughts about James Bond theme songs. They’re in no particular order because, try as I might, I find it very hard to rank my favorites.
You can’t talk about Bond songs without praising “A View to a Kill” by Duran Duran. This one holds a special place in my heart because it was the first Bond song by a band I grew up with. I’m not knocking Paul McCartney and Shirley Bassey and all the rest, but they were artists that belonged to previous generations. I bought Duran Duran tapes. I listened to Duran Duran songs on the radio. I tuned in to watch Duran Duran on Top of the Pops. “A View to a Kill” was the first time a Bond theme song seemed targeted to me.
And let’s not forget that the video for “A View to a Kill” is one of the coolest ones ever. Simon LeBon looking hot in a beret. The Eiffel Tower. Walkmen. Flying cameras. Stuff blowing up. Who wouldn’t love it!?
A-Ha’s “The Living Daylights” is another Bond song I enjoy, and the reason is similar — A-Ha is band I grew up with. They’re best known for “Take on Me,” but I think this song is richer and more complex.
I also enjoy “The World Is not Enough” because it comes from Garbage, another GenX favorite. It’s a slick, orchestrated song with a bit of a grunge mentality and impressive vocals by Shirley Manson.
No gay man would leave Madonna’s “Die Another Day” off his list because, you know, it’s Madonna. The video is cinematic and tells a story. You can tell Madonna was deep into the Kabbalah stuff when she made it.
“Live and Let Die” is simply a great song, period, and a masterpiece by Paul McCartney.1 It’s all over the place in the best possible way. What a shame about the faux blacksploitation shitshow of a movie.
Believe it or not, I much prefer Guns N’ Roses’ version of “Live and Let Die” to McCartney’s. I think that Axl Rose’s rough voice and the rock approach give it a raw edge that simply sounds better.
Shirley Bassey’s “Goldfinger” is big, brassy, and bold — with just a hint of grit. It simply works on all levels.
“Goldfinger” is such an iconic song that it, of course, has been parodied by the Simpsons. It comes from the Season 8 episode “You Only Move Twice,” which is just magnificent.
https://youtu.be/9QEsjd1WZuY
One of my favorite scenes from that episode is a parody of the laser scene from “Goldfinger.”
Adele’s “Skyfall” is perfection. It’s haunting and dramatic, yet somehow still feels intimate.
Here’s the whole Bond playlist. Enjoy it with a martini. You can stir the martini if you’d like. I won’t tell anyone.
_____ 1 In Goldfinger, Bond disses Paul McCartney’s best-known band: “That’s just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs.”
Appropos of nothing, here is a list of some recent tweets I have enjoyed.
First, in “30 Rock,” there are a few throwaway jokes implying that Sbarro, the restaurant chain, is actually run by the wealthy and powerful Sbarro family. In one episode, Jack is trying to convince his girlfriend to join him at an upcoming wedding:
Jack Donaghy: It’s gonna be a who’s who of New York royalty. The Astors, the Rockefellers, the Sbarros …
Avery Jessup: I know, and it kills me. You think I don’t want to know what Pizzarina Sbarro will be wearing?
Well, this tweet might, in fact, be a picture of Pizzarina Sbarro’s wedding dress.
This is the greatest wedding dress of all time. I’m officially team normalize food themed wedding dresses. pic.twitter.com/UxGRqvaBSd
What is Dave wearing today? Dave is wearing jeans for the first time in months. It is finally that cold in Florida, folks.1
What is making Dave happy today? Dave is enjoying the geeky book he’s reading.
What is Dave’s inspirational thought for the day? Dave says if you step on the scale and you’re not happy with the numbers, transform the disappointment into motivation to make meaningful changes instead of letting it discourage you into scarfing down a box of donuts.2
Did Dave tell his mom to buy a $949 cheese wheel earlier today? Dave did, but in his defense, his mom offered to buy food to have in the house.
My mom asked if there was any food we wanted in the house when we visit for the long holiday weekend. I requested a few bananas and one of these 👇🏻 https://t.co/UWeKKk9x5a
What is Dave wearing today? Dave is wearing a parrot-patterned polo shirt. They may be toucans. Dave doesn’t know. They’re definitely not emus.
What is making Dave happy today? Dave got a haircut and mustache trim. He thinks the mustache may be too trimmed now, but don’t worry. It’s definitely not thin enough to merit a Jimmy Buffett song.
What is Dave’s inspirational thought for the day? Dave says you’re exactly where you need to be.
Did Dave finally join Reddit? Dave has indeed joined Reddit, but so far he has spent more time thinking of a clever screen name than he has actually perusing the site.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen “Dancing With the Stars” in the past, but I’ll sure as hell be watching tonight to cheer on JoJo Siwa, the first contestant to have a same-sex dancing partner.
I can’t say I know a lot about JoJo. Her target audience is bespangled, peppy, pop-loving teens and tweens. My target audience, if I had one, would be disenchanted middle-aged Gen Xers who know all the lyrics to “One Week” by Barenaked Ladies. Put Siwa and me on a Venn diagram, and there’s not a lot of overlap.
And yet …
The tiny queer spot where we do overlap is more important than you can imagine. JoJo is living her life openly and authentically as an LGBTQ person, and the entire country can see it. That would be abso-fucking-lutely unimaginable when I was JoJo’s age. The only LGBTQ characters I saw in popular culture were mincing stereotypes1, villians2, or victims3.
This Time Is Different
There have been LGBTQ people on “Dancing With the Stars” before — one of this season’s other finalists is a gay man, and I did watch a bit when Chaz Bono bumbled through a few episodes — but Siwa is dancing with a same-sex partner.
That blows my mind.
Want to know the first time I ever saw a same-sex couple do a slow dance together? It was at my wedding reception, when the Complimentary Spouse and I danced to “At Last” by Etta James. I had never, ever seen two gay men dance like we did that night.4
Our first dance. I was a bit chubbier back then.
For the Children … And All of Us
Thanks to JoJo, an entire generation of LGBTQ kids are growing up and seeing themselves represented positively in American culture.
Many LGBTQ people are taking notice of this moment. In an essay for NBC News, Dana Piccoli, editor of QueerMediaMatters, writes:
Whenever people tell me that representation isn’t a big deal, I think of moments like this, when queer, trans and gender-nonconforming people can see themselves in something so culturally significant. Maybe your Prince Charming is a woman. Perhaps you are Prince Charming yourself.
Dana Piccoli
JoJo doesn’t have to win the trophy tonight. She’s already scored a massive victory for all LGBTQ people.5 I hope she and others of her generation continue to pave the way so others feel seen, valued, and celebrated.
_____ 1 Think Paul Lynde.
2 Think Buffalo Bill from “Silence of the Lambs” or Scar from “The Lion King.”
3 Think every single person with AIDS on teevee or in movies. Can’t recall any of them with happy endings, can you?
4 We had no idea what we were doing, so we just took turns leading.
5 I’m sure people will say “who cares” about JoJo’s sexuality or same-sex dancing partner. I’ve already discussed in a previous post how homophobes use minimization to erase LGBTQ people from society. It’s an odious and deliberate tactic that we can’t allow to go unchallenged.
What is Dave wearing today? Dave is wearing an Ybor City T-shirt. It’s the one that shows a chicken smoking a cigar.
What is making Dave happy today? Dave had Shake Shack for dinner, and now he and the doggos are watching Star Trek II. Khan really had some of the best lines in any Trek movie:
“Surely, I have made my meaning plain. I mean to avenge myself upon you, admiral. I deprived your ship of power, and when I swing around, I mean to deprive you of your life.”
Khan
“Ah Kirk, my old friend. Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold in space.”
Khan
“I feel for you.”
Chaka Khan
What is Dave’s inspirational thought for the day? Dave is thinking about this lyric from “Watershed,” an Indigo Girls song:
“You’ll never fly as the crow flies Get used to a country mile When you’re learning to face The path at your pace Every choice is worth your while.”
The Indigo Girls
Isn’t this the second time Dave has mentioned Star Trek this week? Dave wrote about Dorothy Zbornak’s knowledge of Star Trek a few days ago. By discussing Star Trek, Dave is proving that Homer Simpson was right in 1994 when he described the internet.
What is Dave wearing today? Dave isn’t sure what he’s wearing because everything is covered in dog hair. It’s Lucy‘s fault.
What is making Dave happy today? Dave had pizza for dinner.
What is Dave’s inspirational thought for the day? Dave recently came across this passage from Winnie-the-Pooh:
“Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?”
“Supposing it didn’t,” said Pooh after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
A A. Milne
Did Dave accomplish everything he wanted to today? No, but Dave is going to praise himself for the things he did instead of dwelling on the things he didn’t do.
What is Dave wearing today? Dave is wearing the usual: polo shirt, shorts, and sneakers.
What is making Dave happy today? Dave had a fairly light day at work, which was a great way to transition to what’s going to be a lazy weekend.
What is Dave’s inspirational thought for the day? Dave says you’re allowed to log out of social media and turn off the television when you need to.
What did Dave give Linus for dinner? Linus has been very finicky about food recently, so Dave mixed crushed-up pieces of a Cinnamon Toast Crunch into his dog food. Linus seemed to like it. Dave now has a business proposition for General Mills.
What is Dave wearing today? Dave is wearing a purple polo shirt, a pair of khaki shorts, and Stan Smiths.
What is making Dave happy today? The Complimentary Spouse bought a speaking Dug ornament from Disney, and Dave loves how Lucy and Linus react with amazement and glee when Dug says, “I have just met you and I love you.”
What is Dave’s inspirational thought for the day? Dave says it’s more helpful to tell yourself, “it would be great if I _____” instead of “I should _____.” You can fill in the blanks yourself. Dave can’t do everything for you.
What kind of mustard did Dave buy? Dave was indecisive, so he got Colman’s English Mustard, honey mustard, deli mustard … and, for the hell of it, Nando’s piri-piri mayonnaise. Dave is now prepared for any possible sandwich situation.
