Category: Whatnot

I am part of Gen X, the most neglected, overlooked, and ignored generation in modern American history. We grew up under the monstrous weight of the baby boomers, a group whose importance is completely outweighed by its sense of self-importance. The baby boomers dominated our formative years. We got their music, their literature, their television shows. And when we did manage to craft our own cultural experiences, they were controlled and curated by baby boomers.¹

Yeah, don’t get me started on the baby boomers.²

After us came the millennials, who craved attention and got it. Millennials said what they wanted to read, and the young adult fiction category exploded. Millennials said what they wanted to listen to, and they were spoon-fed pablum by artists like the Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, and N*Sync. Millennials said what they wanted to watch, and they got to see their life experiences reflected in “Dawson’s Creek,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” and “Saved by the Bell.”³

Now a new generation has emerged, which means Gen X will get shoved further back in the closet. With a sigh, I’ll tell you I’m OK with that because I know nothing will change it. But I have one small plea. Please, please, please don’t call this new generation Gen Z.

One of the few small things Gen X has going for it is that we got to choose our name.⁴ It comes from a book by Douglas Coupland, one of the very first people to write about the fact that they didn’t relate to the baby boomer values and expectations thrust upon them.

How you identify has always been a big deal. In the late 1980s, I disliked being classified as a baby boomer so much that I had to invent my way out of it; my debut novel, published 30 years ago, was called Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture.

Douglas Coupland, Douglas Coupland on Generation X at 30: ‘Generational trashing is eternal.’

The book focused on a handful of people attempting to define themselves through the stories they tell.⁵ The only baby boomer in the book is a yuppie; he helps juxtapose the angst and authenticity of Gen X with the self-assuredness and shallowness of his own generation.

An excerpt:

After you’re dead and buried and floating around whatever place we go to, what’s going to be your best memory of earth? What one moment for you defines what it’s like to be alive on this planet. What’s your takeaway? Fake yuppie experiences that you had to spend money on, like white water rafting or elephant rides in Thailand don’t count. I want to hear some small moment from your life that proves you’re really alive.

Douglas Coupland, Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture

Baby boomers had no idea what to do with the book, but it became something of a touchstone for my generation. We finally had a work of art we could see ourselves in. Generation X became our name. Over time, that was shortened to Gen X.

Fast forward about two decades. I remember when people began writing about the generation that followed ours. They were originally branded Gen Y, a name showing a complete lack of imagination. I was relieved when the term millennials emerged.

Now we hear about Gen Z, and I hope the name doesn’t stick. My generation’s name comes from an essential work of literature. We defined ourselves instead of letting others define us. The name Gen Z robs us of that — it steals one of the only things we can take pride in, our nomenclature.

I’m pleading here. Give Gen Z a new name. I’m cautiously optimistic that this may happen: The New York Times found that many members of the upcoming generation don’t like Gen Z either. Post-millennials is one option. Others are iGeneration, the homeland generation, and deltas.

What’s in a name? For Gen X, everything. Let’s use a different name to describe the generation that’s emerging now.

Please.

¹ Is it any wonder that Nirvana and the grunge movement were popular among Gen X? We finally got an unfiltered peek at our generation’s zeitgeist, and it was wrapped in flannel.
² I’m very critical of baby boomers in some respects, but I’ll also freely acknowledge the great things they did. They rioted at Stonewall, invented personal computing, and gave us Cher and Star Wars. I even married a boomer.
³ I’m conscious of the fact that I’m writing this post from the perspective of a well-educated middle-class white man. I’d love to hear from people with other points of view.
⁴ The baby boomers wanted to call us the baby busters. We were also called the MTV Generation for a while.

⁵ In terms of narrative structure, it’s somewhat similar to The Canterbury Tales. 

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a world-renowned psychologist and the author of “Flow,” died yesterday. 

Csikszentmihalyi’s work has played a role in my life for the past year or so. In 2020, I participated in a workshop for people looking to reboot or reinvent their careers. The workshop was something of a bust — full of great ideas that look helpful on paper but are impractical in real life — but, out of it, I started a book group with two other participants, Vanessa and Philip. We have focused on books about professional self-improvement, like “Grit” by Angela Duckworth, “Designing Your Life” by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, and “Drive” by Daniel Pink.

Nearly all the books we read mentioned flow (the concept) and “Flow” (the book), so we decided to check it out for ourselves. In a nutshell, the idea behind flow is that certain kinds of tasks, performed with a particular mindset under certain conditions, create a sense of total immersion and focus. Ever start working on something and get so engaged that you lose track of time? That’s flow.

The first thing we noticed is that “Flow” is not really a self-improvement book. It’s an academic book written from a psychological and ethnographic perspective. Csikszentmihalyi describes what flow feels like, but he doesn’t really discuss how to achieve it. Instead, he looks at how flow affects consciousness and happiness, and then places flow in the context of work, athletics, and creative pursuits.

The final chapters of the book were the most challenging for our reading group. By that point, Csikszentmihalyi seemed to apply the concepts of flow to culture and existence. It’s the Grand Unified Theory of flow. We decided that his intent was noble, but his evidence and ideas were stretched pretty thin. 

I highlighted a lot of passages in Flow. This one stood out because my undergraduate degree is in English:

But when writing is used to control experience, without letting it control the mind, it is a tool of infinite subtlety and rich rewards.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

These were insightful takes on what it means to be happy:

And the reality is that the quality of life does not depend directly on what others think of us or on what we own. The bottom line is, rather, how we feel about ourselves and about what happens to us. To improve life one must improve the quality of experience.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Of all the virtues we can learn no trait is more useful, more essential for survival, and more likely to improve the quality of life than the ability to transform adversity into an enjoyable challenge.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

The most important step in emancipating oneself from social controls is the ability to find rewards in the events of each moment.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

This was an astute observation about work:

Thus we have the paradoxical situation: On the job people feel skillful and challenged, and therefore feel more happy, strong, creative, and satisfied. In their free time people feel that there is generally not much to do and their skills are not being used, and therefore they tend to feel more sad, weak, dull, and dissatisfied. Yet they would like to work less and spend more time in leisure.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

These quotes relate to my own life experiences:

Unless a person knows how to give order to his or her thoughts, attention will be attracted to whatever is most problematic at the moment: it will focus on some real or imaginary pain, on recent grudges or long-term frustrations. Entropy is the normal state of consciousness — a condition that is neither useful nor enjoyable.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Why are some people weakened by stress, while others gain strength from it? Basically the answer is simple: those who know how to transform a hopeless situation into a new flow activity that can be controlled will be able to enjoy themselves, and emerge stronger from the ordeal.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Complexity requires that we invest energy in developing whatever skills we were born with, in becoming autonomous, self-reliant, conscious of our uniqueness and of its limitations. At the same time we must invest energy in recognizing, understanding, and finding ways to adapt to the forces beyond the boundaries of our own individuality. Of course we don’t have to undertake any of these plans. But if we don’t, chances are, sooner or later, we will regret it.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

If you want to learn more about Csikszentmihalyi and flow, here’s a TED talk he gave in 2008:

The other day, I felt a bit sick and told the Complimentary Spouse I was going to have a bissel of ginger ale. He knew exactly what I meant. At long last, the Yiddishification of my shaygetz husband is complete!

Yiddish might be a dying language, but I’m not letting it go without a fight. I believe certain ideas and concepts can only be conveyed appropriately after they have been filtered through centuries of Jewish scholarship, humor, misery, and joy. Translating a Yiddish word into English is possible, but it’s like photocopying a Van Gogh — you’ll get the picture, sure, but you can’t appreciate the artistry or experience the emotional impact. 

Plus, Yiddish is just fun to pronounce. There’s a hint of musicality behind all those harsh Hebrew and German consonants, which makes for an amusing contrast. It’s no wonder Klezmer is so catchy and expressive.

While I can’t speak Yiddish fluently, a few words and terms have made my way into my everyday vocabulary. Here are a few I’d like to share with you. If Britt can learn them, you have no excuse!

• Bissel: A little bit of something. Refer to the “a bissel of ginger ale” mention at the top of this post. 
• Chutzpah: This one is hard to translate into English, but it basically expresses a combination of nerve, audacity, and egotism. It takes a lot of chutzpah to demand an upgrade to first class on a bare-bones economy ticket.
• Mazel Tov: Congratulations! 
• Mensch: An all-around kind, generous, kind man. Note that the subtitle for this blog is “the Mensch Manifesto.” I don’t know of a female equivalent, so I usually just use menschette. 
• Oy vey, oy veyismir, oy gevalt: Three general terms of annoyance, exasperation, and distress.
• Plotz: To drop from exhaustion. I’m ready to plotz after a long day of touring a new city. 
• Putz: See my definition for schmuck. 
• Schlep: To carry something heavy, usually used as a complaint. I’ve schlepped my luggage many times through airports. 
• Schmaltzy: Overly sentimental. I don’t watch the Hallmark channel because I don’t want to see schmaltzy movies. 
• Schmatta: A rag. I use this term (without judgment) for a baby blanket and (with lots of judgment) for ugly clothes. 
• Schmuck: See my definition for putz.¹ It’s also the unfortunate name of a jewelry store I saw in Budapest.

• Schmutz: Dirt (or a dirty substance). I call the gunk that gets in your eyes (and the dogs’ eyes) “eye schmutz.”
• Schtup: To screw, and not in the construction sense of that word.
• Schvitz: To sweat, usually because it’s too hot and humid. I schvitz in the summers in Florida.
• Shiksa and shaygetz: These Yiddish terms for non-Jewish women and men, respectively, are frequently used as put-downs.
• Spiel: A long story. I like it when people get to the point without giving a whole spiel.
• Tchotchke: A trinket or souvenir. I don’t buy tchotchkes when I travel anymore because there’s no place to put them.

¹ Here’s a good example of a putz or schmuck: He’s the type of jerk who would make circular references in his blog post.